Do you have a ‘strong back’ and a ‘soft front’?
When we go through uncertainty and face challenges, we may have moments or even days when we feel defeated. But, even when we feel stable and secure in life, it’s hard to imagine being “strong” as well as “soft” at the same time.
Why is this important, and how can being “strong” as well as “soft” help us deal with the change we continue to experience?
The reason we become anxious, fearful and even stressed as we go through change is directly linked to our human biology and our level of emotional intelligence.
Stress, anxiety and anger release cortisol in our body, triggering the brain to think ‘fight, flight or freeze’. If we find ourselves in either of these three states, we cannot collaborate with others effectively or think innovatively as our body focuses on our personal survival.
The key to having a measured response to a challenging situation is to increase our emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence (strong back) is described as the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions while empathetically handling interpersonal relationships.
A soft front is the more difficult part of the ‘strong back, soft front’ concept, as it means exposing ourselves vulnerably to the world. We automatically find ourselves “armouring up”, as research professor Brené Brown describes it, to protect ourselves. However, a soft front also means we can be self-compassionate and compassionate towards others; we can open our minds to continue to be curious and learn even though we are going through a challenging time.
The following explanation of the “strong back” and “soft front” by Life Coach Bev Janisch explains it well:
A strong back is about equanimity and our capacity to uphold ourselves, especially during difficult times. It means we are cultivating an ability to maintain a calm mind with emotional and mental stability. It enables us to be grounded, rooted and strong while remaining flexible, adaptable and open to change.
The soft front is about opening to things as they are. It’s about accepting life as it is rather than longing or worrying about the future and wishing things were different.
How do we cultivate a ‘strong back and soft front’?
A “strong back” and “soft front” are linked to our emotional intelligence. This means being compassionate and curious with those around us while we face challenging times driven by change.
There are five key characteristics of emotional intelligence:
- Self-awareness – being aware of your own emotions and being able to trust your intuition.
- Self-regulation – the ability to control emotions and impulses.
- Motivation – the willingness to defer immediate results for long-term success.
- Empathy – the ability to identify with and understand the wants, needs, and viewpoints of those around you.
- Social skills – being a team player and a good communicator who develops others and helps them shine before focusing on their own success.
Emotional intelligence is not static and can be learned. Some strategies to strengthen emotional intelligence include:
- Observation – observe how you react to people.
- Humility – consider if you seek attention for your accomplishments over and above letting others shine.
- Self-evaluation – take an emotional intelligence quiz.
- Examine – examine your response to stressful situations.
- Taking responsibility – know when you’ve hurt someone’s feelings and apologise for it.
Developing our emotional intelligence can be a challenge and mean change in itself. It may expose your vulnerabilities and open you to the possibility of being hurt. However, increasing our emotional intelligence allows us to deepen relationships, both at work and in our personal lives, which will empower us to be our best self and make the most of what the changes in our lives will bring us.